You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize