She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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