I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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