I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
