I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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