what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
