Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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