Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
