I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
