I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well you can't waste a boner
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
