Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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