Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did i walk over a car last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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