he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
