i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize