Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
