i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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