dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
