All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
