Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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