roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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