so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
