then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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