did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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