playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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