You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there was a trapeze. enough said
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
