you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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