Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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