trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
