Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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