I wannas sexs uuuuu
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
