I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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