And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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