I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
