I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
