im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Found the puke drawer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
