we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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