That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
