I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
