How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
