Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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