She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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