some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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