My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
