Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
