Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
