i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
