my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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