My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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