Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
