how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
