I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
