Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
