I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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