I cockslap morals
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
