We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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