You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
