I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't deserve a penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My feet surprised me
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