and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
