I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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