She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
