It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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