his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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