Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
