I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
