You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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