Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize