I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
