i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
