goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize