you have to choose: penises or morals?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
