finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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