but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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