You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
