If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
