Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
