Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
