just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
