All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am mentally ready for anal.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
