some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
