glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
