I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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