you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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