I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
