Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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