Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
