I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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