I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
