I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
