All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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