I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
