so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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