look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
