I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
