Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My vagina just clenched in fear
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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