Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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