Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
