Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
