This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
