why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
