just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
